Do not look for love; do not wait for it; do not expect it on-demand. You will always feel incomplete, and the fear of loss of love will rumble under your days.
Love is not a subscription service. Love is not a reward for good behaviour. Love is not something you ‘deserve’ or do not.
It is your birthright; so find it within your own heart.
When you notice attention going outwards, seeking, striving, manipulating, trying to understand, clinging, holding, stop. Invite attention closer. To the sensations of your feet on the ground, the feel of the weight of your body as it is pulled towards the Earth. To the breath, so dependable, so ancient, rising and falling, rising and falling, like a wave in the vastness of your being.
Invite attention to wash down through the throat, the chest, into the pit of the stomach; let it infiltrate the raw, tingly, fluttery, alive sensations there. Let attention drench your sorrow, your loneliness, that sense of abandonment you’ve been running from. For a moment, provide a sanctuary for these ancient ones, these beautiful fragments of a great puzzle you understood long ago. Let this present scene of the movie of your life be sanctified with attention, with this kindly awareness called love. This is prayer.
I am here. I am here. And it’s okay. Even though it doesn’t feel okay, it’s okay. My sadness is intelligent. My fear is ancient, and sacred, and worthy. My longing burns with life. Even my doubts are my kin. Nothing is wrong here; all is held in love.
Life is so short, yet love is infinite, and bountiful, and ever-present, and closer than the next breath. So not look for love; do not wait for it; do not expect it on-demand. But know it. Know its presence, the intimacy of it. Feel it whispering in your ear…
I breathe with you, my love. Every inhale, every exhale, and the spaces inbetween. When you are on your knees, exhausted by life’s chaos and uncertainty, I kneel with you. When you are exalted, held up high by this fickle world, I rejoice with you. When you feel lost, and you cannot go on, I have already found you. Here. Here, always here. I am so very near. I laugh with you, cry with you, bleed with you; your blood is mine. Your voice is my voice, your silence my silence, and I would go to the ends of the Earth to find you, to fight for you, to bring you home.
You cannot escape love; that is why you cannot grasp it.
And so if I had a prayer, it would already be answered; the prayer and the resolution as One; the gift given long ago.